How to Guide for Dating Your Spouse: Pre-Empty Nesting Tips

Pre-empty nesting hits hard, and suddenly you’re looking at your spouse thinking, “Wait, didn’t we used to hang out before carpooling and soccer games?” Here’s your guide to tackling this season with a good laugh, some intention, and a spark of romance. Let’s dig right into the tips for dating your spouse while pre-empty nesting!

1. Face the Syndrome

Pre-empty nest syndrome is real. It sneaks up on you with bittersweet moments and weirdly quiet mornings. Acknowledge it. Cry a little if you must. Then, remind yourself that change is a chance to grow closer—not drift apart. The last child is probably in high school and maybe for the first time in years that you have free time on your hands. What now? You might have feelings of sadness, fear about the next stage, and curiosity about what this new phase is all about. 

2. Know the Stats

Divorce rates for pre-empty nesters are on the rise. Why? Disconnection. Don’t let this be your story. You’re a team, not two people who just happen to live in the same house. You already have one thing in common, you are new empty nesters together! There are lots of great marriage courses out there. Maybe you need to check them out.

3. Check the Clock

The average age for pre-empty nesters is around 45-55. That’s prime time for rediscovery. You’re wiser, (hopefully) less stressed, and still young enough to try something new without breaking anything. Your parenting years aren’t over, but you probably have way more time on your hands. Embrace this new journey and realize that you are not alone. 

4. Bring Back the Date Nights

Think beyond dinner and a movie. Go axe throwing. Take a cooking class. Recreate your first date (if you can remember it). The goal is to laugh and connect. I’ll be real here, simple is my favorite. Sit down and have a warm cup of chai tea on the back porch, take a walk outside, rock in the rocking chairs, sit by a fire, or cozy up to a movie. Try creating a sinking fund and plan for a bucket list vacation.

5. Rediscover Your Shared Interests

Remember hobbies you loved before kids took over? Find them again. If you both loved hiking, dust off those boots. If you can’t remember, experiment—gardening, painting, or even joining a trivia league. We are looking into getting chickens! 

6. Tackle the Big Three Problems

Empty nesters often struggle with communication, intimacy, and boredom. Beat those problems early. Talk more, even if it’s just about what to watch on Netflix. Prioritize physical connection, whether it’s holding hands or a romantic getaway. You have more time on your hands!! And for boredom? See tip #5.

7. Make Each Other Laugh

Laughter heals. It bonds. Tell silly jokes, share ridiculous memes, or just be goofy. Humor might not solve everything, but it sure makes the ride smoother. I’m your typical first born, so I am not that funny, however, I am working on it! 

8. Try New Things Together

Sign up for that pottery class. Go skydiving (or indoor skydiving if you’re not that adventurous). Learning something new together builds teamwork—and gives you stories to tell. We may end up building a chicken coop. I’ll let ya know! 

9. Plan Weekend Getaways

You don’t have to leave the state or spend a fortune. A cozy Airbnb, a day trip to a nearby town, or even a fancy picnic counts. The key is uninterrupted time together.

10. Dream Together

Talk about the future. What do you want to do as a couple when the kids leave? Travel the world? Start a business? Redecorate the house? Shared dreams create excitement and purpose. Family is huge to us, so thinking about life and what to do with adult kids also brings us a lot of joy. 

11. Pray Together and for Each Other

A strong marriage starts with a strong spiritual foundation. Take time to pray for your spouse daily—pray for their heart, their mind, their work, and their walk with Christ. Even better? Pray with them. It might feel a little awkward at first, but it’s one of the most intimate and supportive things you can do.

A strong marriage starts with a strong spiritual foundation. Take time to pray for your spouse daily—pray for their heart, their mind, their work, and their walk with Christ. Even better? Pray with them. It might feel a little awkward at first, but it’s one of the most intimate and supportive things you can do.

Read Scripture together. Find verses that speak to your marriage, like Ecclesiastes 4:12 (“A cord of three strands is not easily broken”) or Ephesians 5:33. Encourage each other to grow spiritually, whether it’s attending a Bible study, journaling prayers, or simply talking about how God is working in your lives.

Support them in biblical ways. Speak life into their day with words of encouragement. Show grace when tensions rise. Remind them that they are loved—not just by you, but by the God who brought you together.

Spiritual connection creates emotional connection. And nothing strengthens a marriage more than standing side by side, grounded in faith.

Good News: Simple Is Good

Let me start by saying, I’m a simple girl. I’m not about elaborate plans or expensive outings. Sure, those things are great, but they’re not always necessary to connect with your spouse—especially during this pre-empty nesting stage of life. It doesn’t take much time to connect and enjoy quality time together.

Here’s what works for us: Different Ways to Connect! 

Some weekends, I’ll grab a book, he’ll grab a fishing pole, and we’ll head to the dock or hop in the canoe. Other times, we take the top off our 1998 Jeep, cruise the back roads, and stop by Thorntons for a donut or an ice cream cone. Simple, right? That’s our idea of a great time.

We also love being outdoors. When the weather’s right, we’ll go for walks, especially during deer shed season. He’s scanning for antlers while I meander and enjoy the fresh air. Mushroom season is another favorite—hunting for morels together is one of those slow-living joys that we both appreciate.

Even staying in can be meaningful. On Friday nights, we might sit down together to watch a movie or a murder mystery (yes, I’m hooked on those). I’m not a big TV watcher, but when we pick something together, it feels like our thing.

Sometimes, our “date” is just doing a project outside. It doesn’t feel like a chore when we shift our mindset to see it as time spent together. Learning to connect in the day-to-day activities is key.

Try New Hobbies Together

Trying something new can be a great way to connect as a couple. You don’t have to be experts—just pick something that sparks interest for both of you. Here are five ideas for new hobbies to try together:

1. Gardening: Grow vegetables, herbs, or flowers and work together to care for them.

2. Cooking or Baking: Experiment with new recipes or take a virtual cooking class.

3. Photography: Explore local parks or your backyard and practice capturing moments.

4. Bird Watching: Invest in a bird book and binoculars, and start spotting new species together.

5. DIY Projects: Build something for your home or upcycle an old piece of furniture.

The key is to find a new interest that excites you both and gives you a shared focus during this new stage of life.

Rethinking Date Nights

Date nights are often thought of as fancy dinners or elaborate outings, but they don’t have to be. Regular date nights are about connection, not cost. For some, a weekly night out is essential and works wonders. For others, it’s about keeping things simple—like cooking dinner together at home, sipping coffee on the porch, or playing cards after the kids are in bed. That about this as a new chapter in your love story. Life changes and it’s important to take an intentional action step in the right direction. 

The point is to make time, even if it’s not a lot. A “date” can look like:

• Going for a walk hand in hand.
• Having a picnic in your backyard.
• Watching the sunset with your favorite snacks.
• Grabbing fast food and eating in the car like teenagers.
• Sharing about your new interests. Be a safe space for each other to share about what old hobbies you want to start again or about new hobbies that you have been wanting to try for a long time. 
• Consistency and connection matters more than the location or activity. 

Prioritizing Quality Time

In this stage of life, when schedules are still full but shifting, it’s vital to carve out moments for quality time. It doesn’t have to take much time to connect. Simply being intentional about spending time together—whether you’re working on a shared project, relaxing on the couch, or trying a new hobby—builds a stronger bond.

What works for you as a married couple might look different from someone else’s routine, and that’s okay. The beauty of this new stage is figuring out what fits your relationship and embracing it. Simple, meaningful, and intentional—that’s the goal.

A Final Laugh

Dating your spouse during the pre-empty nesting stage can feel awkward at first. But think of it like riding a tandem bike—you’ll wobble, you might crash, but with practice, you’ll find your rhythm. And who knows? You might just enjoy the ride.