Looking back at 20-plus years of marriage, I find myself both celebrating the past and dreaming of the future. It’s hard to believe that 22 years have flown by. When I first saw him in his hard hat, white t-shirt, and jeans, I knew he was the one. My only worry was whether he would feel the same. When I saw how he played with his nephews, it completely sealed the deal for me.
I left a CD on his truck, a Lee Ann Womack album with the song “I Hope You Dance.” I wanted him to take a chance on me, even though I didn’t know if he would. Now, 22 years later, that song still resonates. Over the years, we’ve run, walked, skipped, crawled, and sometimes barely moved forward, but we’ve kept going.
Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way: First, my husband can’t meet all my needs, and I let go of that expectation long ago, though I wish I had done it sooner. Second, Christ needs to be at the center; He is the cornerstone. Third, prayer is our first line of defense. Fourth, stay connected physically—I’ll leave it at that. Wink, Wink. Fifth, always have each other’s back, ready to do whatever it takes when (not if) hard times come.
Lessons Learned in No Particular Order
I want to keep this reflection as simple as possible. This is the first time that I have shared the little things that I have learned over a 20-year marriage and it probably won’t be the last. I pray that my personal experience is one that you can learn from. Take the information and see where it applies. Maybe you are anxiously awaiting your own wedding day, counseling married couples, waiting for true love, or wondering how this can work with the current divorce rates. Whatever boat you are in, I hope you find encouragement and inspiration here.
Lesson 1: Looking Back on 20 Plus Years of Marriage
1. I let go of the expectation that my husband can meet all of my needs.
I am a sister, mother, daughter, granddaughter, best friend, wife, teacher, and so much more. We wear many hats and I learned a long time ago that there are different seasons in your life where the people we are with are there for just the right time. After years of love, I realize that one of the best ways to love someone is to realize that they are human and that no one person can meet all of my needs, the same way that I can’t meet all the needs of one person.
Dear husband,
I pray that our love story rivals all. God has blessed me with you and I know that He is the only one who can meet all of my needs. I pray that we can support, walk beside, pray for one another, and love each other the way that God planned for us to. You are the love of my life and I look forward to spending time with you for the rest of our days.
With love,
Lesson 2: Looking Back on 20 Plus Years of Marriage
2. Christ needs to be at the center; He is the cornerstone.
Accepting Christ is the best decision I have ever made. His word is a guiding light and teaches us about having a solid foundation. Christ wants the very best for us and created the unique bond between man and woman in the very beginning.
Lesson 3: Looking Back on 20 Plus Years of Marriage
3. Prayer needs to be the first line of defense.
I can not tell you how many times I have tried to figure it out myself, fix everything, be in control. For each and every time that I tried to take charge, I was reminded that God is in control and I need to take it to him in prayer. Prayer is one of the key ingredients to a successful marriage. Sometimes the easiest thing can also be the hardest thing.
Lesson 4: Looking Back on 20 Plus Years of Marriage
4. Get physical. I’ll leave it at that. Wink, Wink!
Let’s just say that it is a good idea to meet each others needs physically.
Lesson 5: Looking Back on 20 Plus Years of Marriage
5. Have each others backs. Be ready to do what it takes when, not it, that hard times come.
Life can be hard and holding each other accountable is an important part of long-lasting relationships. Mutual support is a beautiful thing. Having a lifetime of love takes just that, a lifetime of loving. Keeping a close eye on the conditions of our human hearts and renewing our minds is very important.
Final Thoughts
The countless memories that have been created with my wonderful husband are truly amazing. I have learned that God’s way is always the better way and that I still have a long way to go. We have been blessed with decades of laughter, memorable family trips, and a deep love. I am looking forward to many more unforgettable memories and a lifetime of love.
Happy 20th anniversary to you and yours!
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